Continuing to count them…

0119 – my first snow storm

0120 – sickness leaving the house, finally

0121 – baby smiles that completely redeem hard mornings

0122 – a clean basement!

0123 – a last second bolt out the door with a neighbor-friend for  some “alone” time at the movies

0124 – starbucks gift cards and surprise gifts in the mail from friends

0125 – good play time with neighbor friends’ kids

0126 – the beauty of white, gleaming snow

0127 – planning for vacation time with FRIENDS this summer!

0128 – dreaming of the next international trip. sometime. soon. i hope.

0129 – snuggle time in the midst of drama time with #2

0130 – the snowman sitting on our bench in the front yard

0131 – free babysitting from family members and their significant others.

0132 – seeing #3 light up whenever #1 is around.

0133 – putting packages in the mail for people we love

0134 – organizing my office space

0135 – seeing neighbors respond with compassion and generocity when another neighbor’s house burned down during the snowstorm.

0136 – coleman camp stoves

0137 – wood for the fireplace and a hubby who keeps it burning

I ain’t no snow virgin anymore…

Yup. Its true. This Texan survived her first snow storm… complete with losing electricity for an entire night and something like 10 inches of snow. It was….

Miserable.

Not a fan of snow. Its pretty and all. Pure. Symbolic. Whatever. Its freaking freezing is what it really is.

And definitely not a fan of power outages. I read the funniest quote from a local guy regarding how frequent power outages happen around here:

“It seems that a mouse could fart two blocks over and poof, there goes the electricity.”

So far that seems quite accurate. Although I do have to say that I am thankful we live within a half a mile of a hospital. Means we are top of the list when it comes to restoring power. I know people in neighborhoods near us that have been out of power for 3 days now. Ugh.

In addition to the utter inconvenience of it all… there is the matter of the freaked-out-children when it comes to power outtages. We have created a monster, apparently, by investing in noise machines and fans all these years. When those babies are silent, the terror creeps in. o.m.g. I mean it was already nighttime, dark outside, tucking the girls in bed when it all went silent… and the screaming began. So , I invited them to our king sized bed for the night. I figured we would need the body heat to keep warm enough through the night. They eventually fell asleep….

…until the power flickered for a nano second at 4:45am. And the noises flickered enough to wake them up. And upon waking they discovered how dissatisfied they were and how one was hogging the covers and the other had an ear ache and O.M.G. It was on from that point on. Misery for all.

John actually made it home that night… after two attempts to drive the less than 10 miles from his job to our house. It took many hours. One of his co-workers was en route to his house from the job for TEN HOURS. Trees down everywhere. Power lines down. Crazy people on the road. Oh yeah, and the nearly foot of snow.

Thursday morning, there were a handful of things that made the morning bearable:

- the fire in the fireplace

- snuggling under blankets on the futon

- the camp stove we forgot we had in the basement

- pure manpower to dig out my van

** disclaimer…. YES, i realize this is a wimpy looking snowstorm to some of you die hard alaskan friends and other northeastern friends… but hey, this was colossal for me. cut me some slack. **

___________________________________________________________

And to commemorate the day, all the neighbor friends got together to go sledding. The kids had a blast. Until they got cold and tired. And then it was SO OVER. Ha! I remember a friend’s facebook status that went something like this:

“For every 20 minutes of getting ready time, there is exactly 7.25 minutes of actual snow time outside.”

I think that is about accurate. Again, not a fan of the snow. But the neighborhood peer pressure was just too much to withstand. That and me realizing that my kids would in fact enjoy this and that it brings ME joy to see them enjoying life… even if it is in frigid weather.

note the child in the sled in the following pics… and the oblivious but happy dad.

Nadia Asia…

Nadia’s face mark, the “stork bite” or “strawberry”, started coming on about 2 weeks post birth. It has continued to grow in size. As far as any intervention, she is too young for anything as of yet. Apparently these kinds of marks completely, or almost completely disappear by they age of 4 or 5 years old. But if the mark continues to grow in size and protrudes more into her line of vision, we will need to do something to reduce the size of the mark. Because her vision is developing, we need to make sure there is nothing hindering her line of vision and focussing abilities. I am not aware of all of the options for intervention, but we will be reassessing the situation once she is around 6 months (the earliest we could do anything about it).

My feelings about the mark on her face are varied. At first, I felt protective. Defensive of it. I don’t see it as something ugly or horrible. I see it as something special, distinctive. In fact, I see it now as something potentially very significant. The mark is the shape of the country of India. Almost exactly. When we were naming Nadia, we picked her middle name Asia with India in mind (as well as other countries in the area). India is where John went to high school. Asia is where we hope to live and work someday. It was a meaningful and specific name choice. In my spirit, I feel there is significance to Nadia’s mark being the shape of India. I can’t tell you why or what I think it really means. In a sense, I am just holding this in my heart and going to wait and see what happens in the future (Luke 2:19 – “and Mary treasured up these things and pondered them in her heart.”).

In a practical, sense, though, I am starting to see how this kind of face mark could be very hard for a beautiful little girl to live with in this culture and day. I have seen other kids look in horror at it already… one girl said to her embarrassed mommy, “oh, that scared me.” I don’t expect kids to act or respond any differently. And it doesn’t hurt or offend ME. But I am just thinking ahead 3 years from now… and how those same reactions could be so damaging and hurtful to Nadia. Kids can be oh so cruel.

So we will wait it out…. and see what is best along the way. We certainly don’t want the mark to interfere with Nadia’s sight and development. We also don’t want to do anything prematurely about something that will take care of itself with time. And I don’t want to project onto my daughter that a mark like this is “ugly” or makes her any less beautiful because that is what the culture around her would say. And I do want her to know, always, that this mark, for however long it is with her, is significant to HER and I think to her future as well. I am glad that we will have pictures of her with her face mark… And I will treasure these things in my heart long after the mark is gone.

More and more thanks….

Yes, its true. Everything you may have read about this book. Everything and more. I get leary when books or movies are hyped up too much.  I am almost always disappointed. But this book… this book has undone me. Well, its in the process of undoing me. Well, its the principles and the ideas put forth by God Himself that is undoing me. Ann is a phenomenal writer and communicator, and more importantly faithful with a life-changing story and message. I found myself in the stories, in her experiences, mainly in the weaknesses and shortcomings. I found myself where she was before she discovered the freedom and the blessing of eucharisteo – giving thanks. And reading her story to the end gives me such  hope and an excitement and anticipation that I haven’t had in life in a long, long time.

I began reading this book when I was home feeling like I was getting the flu. It arrived on Tuesday afternoon. Less than 24 hours later, I was driving myself to the ER (that thankfully is 1/3 of a mile down the road) with a severe asthma attack. I ended up spending 24 hours in the ER as they ran tests, pumped me full of potassium, fluids, steroids, breathing treatments and diagnosed me with the dehydration and flu as well. On Thursday morning, I called John and asked for two things: my cell phone charger and Ann’s book. I finished a good chunk of it before I left the ER. How timely. How comforting. Can’t say I gave too many thanks for being in the ER. But the book ministered to me in a special way during this time. I finished the book the next morning.

And now I think I am ready to dive back in, chapter by chapter, and really explore and learn what this life of eucharisteo can look like for ME. For my family. For my relationship with my God. For the health of my soul and spirit. This is where the work comes in. Its like Ann said in her book, there is a vast difference in reading about something, studying about something, than actually putting the books down and DOING it.

Multitude Monday’s are a way to walk this out, little by little. And I, like Ann in her story, am finding the hunt for things to enjoy, to be thankful for, to SEE the beauty of, to enter into the moment of…to be very very exciting and alluring. And addictive.

0102 – imaginary play voices

0103 – simple prayers of faith from a 5 year old

0104 – a room at the ER when the entire hospital was full

0105 – drugs that help you breath

0106 – a morning off to sleep, and a clean kitchen to wake up to

0107 – morning escapades to Chick Fil A

0108 – sisters that are friends produce adorable sister-friend giggles

0109 – an unexpected get-well-soon package in the mail from a dear sister-in-law

0110 – a grown up dinner out with dear friends overlooking the DC skyline

0111 – successful family time this weekend (oh come on, you all know how unsuccessful those can go….)

0112 – finding a FANTASTIC pediatrician in the area that we love…. and getting good news at the office visits

0113 – being able to smell again…

0114 – driving on sunny days with the light reflecting through the trees… i love.

0115 – neighbor-friends bringing meals to us… what a gift.

0116 – the heater working again

0117 – soul food

0118 – a peaceful household

blank pages…

i am an awful journaler…. i start a new one each year. even if i only got through a fraction of the last one. something about a new year, fresh start, new intentions and resolutions. and although i realize that buying a fresh journal has yet to inspire me to actually journal more, i will keep with the routine because it just feels like someday it will happen. someday i will actually fill a journal in a year.

this year, though, i have gotten a good start on the journaling. i used the questionnaires from simplemom.net HERE and HERE to help process the last year and look towards this new one. they have been awesome in helping guide my thoughts, memories and goal-setting.

i ended 2010 on a very negative note; worn out, stressed out and burned out on just about every front. physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. although we had such positive things going on around us (namely lots of wonderful time with john’s family and my mom), i had just taken on way too much since Nadia’s birth and found myself starring at the end of my rope around the first week of January.

i decided i needed to get at least 24 hours of alone time somewhere, somehow, to just focus, process, journal and rest. i emailed several retreat centers in the area, looking into renting a cabin in the mountains and even downtown DC hotels. in the end, i got connected with a sweet couple who had a furnished basement apartment up in the mountains in West Virginia who said i would come out and stay. so Nadia and i headed northwest and hunkered down in a mountain cabin apartment with a wood burning stove and it was beautiful. just perfect. those first 4-5 hours i journaled so much my hand cramped up. it felt soooo good to finally be able to have time to think, process, write, pray. without interruptions.

i had a lovely dinner with the couple living there and then went back down to read and write some more. and then they came. in droves. the stinkbug demons. something about turning the lights on in the place made them start attacking me. flying straight at my face, crawling on my journal and books and legs. it was gross. stinkbugs don’t usually ruffle me. sydney routinely carried them around this summer as pets until she dismembered them. but i had never been around them when they actively attacked. they don’t bite, they are just hideous. i felt they were demonic. sent by Satan to steal my peace and rest and make me tense and on edge. it worked.

although i slept fairly well, i woke up having a severe allergy attack, thus thwarting my plans to journal and write more (hard to write when you have to blow your nose or sneeze every 30 seconds for an hour straight). instead of getting frustrated, i just decided that the 4-5 hours of good focussed processing time was well worth the trip and i headed out by noon. very thankful for that time.

in the process of thinking back over the last year (one of the worst years in the recent past for me), and looking forward to how i desire 2011 to be different, i kept seeing a recurring theme pop up. these became the basis for my goals for 2011.

1. health – physical, spiritual, parental, relational and marital. doing whatever it takes to move towards a healthier state this year. starting with physical. doing some diet adjustments to try to reboot my immune system, which appears to be just shot. when you get a cold that won’t go away for 8 weeks, and then a weird face rash, you know your system isn’t doing the job it was created to do… namely, fight off infections. when you start the day on a benedryl hangover, its a bad omen for the day. sick and tired of being sick and tired.

2. stress – de-cluttering my life and days to eliminate stressors that don’t need to be there. getting organized, getting on a routine/schedule of sorts is my goal this year. for those that know me, you know how un-scheduled i am. and honestly, up until the recent past, that has worked for me/us. now, it doesn’t. so i must adjust. discipline myself and do something that is out of my comfort zone in an effort to eliminate the stress of rushing, wasting time, not getting things done, being harried for no reason. God help me.

3. motherhood - i have an incredible mom. i have no regrets looking back to my childhood. only awesome memories. but she wasn’t a hands-on “fun mom.” i don’t remember playing with her or even reading with her. ever. i am sure we did, i just don’t remember it. she introduced me to the outdoors at a very early age and all i remember is growing up exploring the outdoors and the world around me on my own. i was an only child. i enjoyed it. i spent my days on my horse, exploring the property we lived on, imagining. but that was a different day and age. i don’t live out in the country anymore. my kids live in the city. there are more than one of them. therefore all of this is completely brand new to me. no frame of reference AT ALL for dealing with sibling stuff. i, like my mom, am not a fun mom. not very hands on. which in our case, is not a good thing. we don’t have 5 acres for the girls to explore and play independently on. it stresses me out to think of cooking with or doing messy crafts with them. just being honest. as a result, my kids have sat in front of the tv watching shows on netflix and dvd’s for a good chunk of their lives. its not what they are watching that is the problem, it is how much and why they are watching it that is the problem. and its my problem. this is another change that needs to happen this year… one that is so far out of my comfort zone that it will be purely the Grace and Mercy of God that enables me to do it.

4. slowing down/being present – this goes hand in hand with the other goals/issues. it stresses me out when i rush. when i am running late (which is alot) because its usually because i haven’t managed my time well and have wasted time. there is no need to rush. do i want my kids to remember their childhood as a whirlwind of rushing out the door to rush down the street to rush into school late? or to be yelled at to “hurry, hurry, hurry and eat eat eat so we can go go go”? i think not. slowing down means i am intentional with my time, resources, days. a schedule will help in this arena as well…. yes, i need to schedule play time, meal time, tv time, quiet time, free time, snuggle time, creative time… time for things that actually matter.  i am anxiously awaiting this book… and Ann’s post and trailer on her blog sums up what i am trying to say: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/01/its-all-for-you-one-thousand-gifts-and-trailer/

and so here i am. halfway into the first month of 2011 and i have already fallen way short of my goals. my hopes. almost daily. but there have also been victories. little ones. but consistent ones. and that gives me hope. “where there is no vision, the people perish,” the ancient writing goes. well, i have vision. that is a good start. i will not perish. i will press on. i will cash in on those new mercies available to me every.single.day.

lots and lots of thanks…

i really do want to get better at chronicling  my many gifts of thanks each week… this time its catching up on the last month’s worth of thanks.

i pre-ordered Ann’s book. after reading my dear friend shannon’s blog the other day, i immediately got on amazon and bought two copies… one for her and one for me. she’s in miami. i am in maryland. but we seem to walk such parallel lives she and i. (even down to our hubbies working for the same company!). the good stuff, as well as the yucky stuff. i wished we lived closer.

and so i write them down… if not every day, almost every day. the little moments that are beautiful. that transform days, hours, moods and atmospheres. the little moments that change ME. that turn my mourning into dancing. my tears into laughter. my anger into peacefulness.

so bear with me. i don’t want to forget these moments. they are like the ancient memory stones the israelites used to stack up when God did significant things throughout their journey. so these are my stones of remembrance. they are stones of TRUTH in the midst of horrible days, daily failures, negative feelings.

0074 – peaceful playtimes between sisters

0075 – a totally spontaneous 24 personal retreat in the mountains

0076 – wood burning stoves in an otherwise freezing cabin

0077 – watching the oldest jump on a snow covered trampoline and then play with the dog on her own (independent play outside – major victory)

0078 – turning off the tv and watching imaginations expand rapidly

0079 – imaginary canoe rides… canoe being a large package of toilet paper and the paddles being a mop and broom

0080 – focused, precious time with grandparents (for the girls)… great talks with parents (for us)

0081 – for forgiveness given so easily and generously

0082 – game nights with all the family around the table

0083 – a dream realized after 20+ years – to explore and experience amish country… and now that we live only 2 hours away from Lancaster PA, this is a dream that will be realized many times over! what a gift.

0084 – baby’s first smiles… more energizing than 100 cups of coffee!

0085 – baby’s first “coo”  - same as above. my own cheeks have cramped up with all the smiling and cooing i do back at her to see just one more crooked half smile… hear one more barely audible sound from her little mouth.

0086 – oldest protecting the middle one from mean kids at chick fil a

0087 – good sleep (one night goes a long way)

0088 – nadia only waking me up once a night for feedings these days!

0089 – revisiting some tv series that we watched while in Berlin… good memories (Alias season 1, 24 season 1)

0090 – a new diet plan to aid in building up my crumbling, weak immune system

0091 – connecting with a friend from far away… even if the connecting is in our perceived weaknesses and failures as moms… we connect in the grace that abounds as well.

0092 – country drives

0093 – an amish run “general store” that has everything and the kitchen sink in it. so fun!

0094 – fun trips in the dreaming/planning stage

0095 – watching the middle one greet her sister with an exuberant hug and kiss after a morning of being apart

0096 – small victories

0097 – new mercies every morning. i need them desperately and i use them up every day. thank God they don’t run out, or i would be in a hopeless state.

0098 – books that encourage and uplift and inspire and convict

0099 – a new Bible reading plan and translation for 2011 – maybe i will actually complete it this year

0100 – a mom who continues to inspire and challenge me as she presses onto new heights in her spiritual journey and life. (she is currently in the Dominican Republic!!)

0101 – IHOP – not gonna lie… its a family favorite

Christmas and the New Year…

We were doubly blessed this year to have both my mom and John’s parents in town for the holidays. Thanks to frequent flier miles, the Hudsons were able to come all the way from Thailand for a couple of weeks with all their kids and grandkids. It was a full, blessed, fun, exhausting time. Mostly fun and blessed, though.

on a trip into DC to the Botanic Gardens… VERY chilly outside, VERY warm and humid inside. so nice!

On Christmas Eve, we attended an Anglican family service and then enjoyed a meal together at Amy’s townhouse. We also opened one gift each. It was very fun. I actually dressed the girls up this year. We never get dressed up. So it was kinda fun. Especially fun to see the girlies in their duds. They did, however, scream and whine about how uncomfortable everything was… the new tights (sydy’s were 3 sizes too big), the new silver glitter slippers Grammy bought them, the dresses with the bows behind….

this is my favorite… i don’t know why… its emotive and moody maybe? i love the motion the blurriness conveys… so Christmasy. i just love it. i would totally blow this up and frame it. john would think i was insane.

take 1

take 2

On Christmas morning, we all opened our stockings in our respective homes and then convened at our house to open all the gifts, one by one, and then have Christmas dinner together. Beth and Josh, John’s sister and brother-in-law, made this delish pastry for breakfast. Dinner was basically Thanksgiving revisited. It was wonderful. We all lounged around and rested the rest of the afternoon as the kids slept.

what one can do only when one’s grandpa is 6’6″… walking on the ceiling!

Over the next week, we got together for various outings and dinners at each other’s homes. It was a nice time with some activities but not too many, and good focussed one on one time with John’s parents, too. They spent the night with us on New Year’s Eve. It was like de ja vu from last year…. only we weren’t dining outside on a Thai beach watching the new year roll in. I was trying to count my blessings and not wish I was in Thailand celebrating the new year, but I failed. I wished I was in Thailand bringing in the new year. Just sayin’.

john’s newest play-thing….

After one more family dinner on January 4th, Nanny and Grandpa Hudson flew back to Thailand the next day and I CRASHED long and hard that day. Its like my body knew that everything was done. There was nothing more to prepare for, clean for, host etc. I think I spent about 80% of the day on one couch or another, in and out of consciousness while Diego and Dora babysat the girls for me. It was sometime that afternoon, when I actually wanted to get up and do stuff and literally could NOT get up that I realized how exhausted my body was from the past 8+ weeks. A couple of weeks of intense insomnia pre-nadia + birthing a baby+ hosting Thanksgiving the next week + planning and hosting two birthday parties 2 weeks after that + Christmas holidays with the fam and all its fun and activities + very list rest + a cold that has lasted 8+ weeks = one veryveryveryveryveryvery tired momma.

January, however, is shaping up (intentionally) to be very RESTfull. Up until today the calendar was virtually blank. I added one or two things to the month calendar. I am guarding it jealously.

Which brings me to my next post…. the obligatory 2011 resolution or goal post. Coming soon!

John’s Birthday

So this year I decided to throw a Christmas/birthday party for John. I wanted to do something fun and entertaining. So, I figured an ugly Christmas sweater theme would do the trick. And it did. However, finding said ugly sweaters proved nearly impossible for most of us. I have since learned that there is an art to procuring an ugly Christmas sweater. One must go to a thrift store right after Thanksgiving and head straight to the women’s section to pick up the lucky sweaters.

i felt i had to embellish john’s sweater a bit…

they are just so beautiful it brings tears to the eyes… (john’s coworkers)

It was a great turnout…. a lovely mix of all sectors of our life: work friends, neighbor friends and family-friends. Thanks to costco’s array of party finger-foods, we had plenty to eat. And thanks to Jack  and Captain Morgan, along with egg nog, spiced cider and vino, we had plenty to drink.

The white elephant gift exchange was a great mix of stuff some of us would actually want, to gag gifts. Made for lots of great laughs. Especially when Matt (a.k.a. Brian Boitano) got a lovely purse to accessorize his “outfit.”

I think all the parents enjoyed going to a child-less party. I know I enjoyed hosting one. Whew! Thanks to neighbor friends and a shared babysitter, my kids were well taken care of 3 doors down. They just didn’t sleep a wink, and cried till 11pm. Thats why we pay the babysitters well.

Onto more December events….. Christmas and time with the Grandparents next!