its getting easier…. more of a rythem, this counting gifts. sure, i miss days of writing them down (trying to get better at that with my nifty new journal dedicated solely to the gift listing), but what is important is that i am SEEING them, noticing them, feeling them and not missing them.
some pics from last July that i recently found…makes me yearn for summer even more!
i still get on auto pilot and waste minutes, hours, even days on things that don’t matter. i still choose ungratefulness and anger rather than gratitude and grace.
but its still working… in me, on me. eucharisteo does that.
my 3 month old stopped me cold in my tracks… arms full, thoughts full, on my way to doing something that really was nothing. i glanced down as i was about to pass her on the futon… we locked eyes and her face literally lit up like a bright-white lightbulb. her smile was immediate and intoxicating. i dropped what was in my hands, forgot what i was on my way to do, and i sat and we talked, loved, smiled and laughed together. i had the thought,
“THIS. This is what being ‘all here’ is about. This is what motherhood is about. This is what it means to live in the moment. Why has it taken this long for me to ‘get it’? Oh how much I have missed out on these last 5 years…. Lord, please help me not to miss anymore of these priceless, precious moments again!”
… and that is when i realized that this gratitude thing, this eucharisteo thing is working. is changing. is moving me forward towards more grace and gratitude and peace.
and then there are the bad days…. full of missed moments, squandered moments, angry words, hurtful reactions.
but i can’t stay there. i get up and start the search again. grasp for more grace. and He gives it. He is faithful to open my eyes again… despite what happened yesterday. He is faithful to give the promised new mercies.
and that is when i sigh with relief and i smile in anticipation. i want more. i want to see more, thank Him for more, accept and live out His grace more… TODAY.
- the baby smile that stopped me in my tracks and taught me.
- homemade bruchetta – tuscan style!
- daddy-daughter date nights
- siblings choosing peace and loving each other
- rain boots
- a dark navy stormy sky with brilliant bursts of sunlight reflecting on tiny green shoots on the trees and grass
- productive and fun family nights
- a new nephew that is cuter than cute and who is healthy and just perfect.
- a friend that sticks closer than a sister… and who listens and prays and counsels… and loves
- meeting new people, having old friends over and reconnecting
- getting a glance back into time – seeing my former self in the eyes, passions and life of a 14 year old girl.
- baby talk
- the new grill
- the 70 degree day that will singlehandedly get me through the rest of the winter
- the hope of spring… the tiny buds on the plant outside my window… soon. soon.
- dreaming up gardening plans
- the spontaneous shout from the 3 year old: you are the best mommy EVER!
- the three year old’s birthday… celebrating the gift she is
- the unbridled joy of a 5 year old when she counts to 100 for the first time
- a peaceful morning wake up after several not-so-peaceful morning wakeups
- seeing the two girls curl up in chairs in the early morning “reading”
- a box of fantastic books (for me!)
- the bliss of a pedicure with the sisters-in-law
- awesome plans for a neighborhood mom’s night out group…. YEA!