just because i don’t want to forget…

… and i keep putting it off.

 

(these images taken in the wee hours of the morning at a Cape Cod beach we had all to ourselves… another morning of marveling at the wonder of these little ones God has entrusted to John and I…)

i was meeting at a women’s bible study today and the course of the conversations got me reflecting on the wonder of my kids. the joy. the blessing. the gift they are. how can it be that i can go days without pondering this? sure, i tell them i love them every day. there are kisses and hugs and smiles. but sometimes the smile is only on my lips and not in my eyes. because the smile isn’t in my heart. and what is in my heart comes out in my eyes. my kids have revealed this to me. “mommy, why are your eyes like that?” ouch. ouch. am i stupid enough, or short sighted enough to think they don’t see behind that mouth-only smile?

so there are those kinds of days. i wish there were fewer of them.

and then there are days like today. full of wonder, greatfulness, excitement. i found myself sweeping the floors while all three of them napped. then a thought ran through my head, ” i really should be getting some ‘down’ time, reading, or napping or something, instead of cleaning….. i could finish cleaning when they wake up..” and then i thought, “no! i want to clean now… and spend some time just BEING with them today…..”

_____________________________________________________

i started writing this post on a “good” day… like the one described above. today, however, was a not-so-good day. it was awful, actually. i won’t even keep talking about it. just suffice it to say that if i were to wax elloquent about my kids on this blog and they could read it, they would most likely look at me and say something to the effect of, “really, mom? REALLY? you could have fooled us.”

but in the wise words of Miss Stacy…. “tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.” i will just leave off the “yet” and hope for the best tomorrow…. for all of our sakes.

HOWEVER….. i am finishing this post on this no-good-awful-terrible day because its how i REALLY feel about my kids. its what is TRUE and good and right and profitable and lovely… and i want to go to bed dwelling on that and not on the failures of today.

my kids, they are just amazing. i love seeing their personalities developing and emerging more and more these days. even when that personality clashes with mine. even when it leaves me banging my head on the table not knowing what to do or say next. they are lovely, beautiful, sweet, oh-so-forgiving, little people. and i love them so very much. so this is a little something for them to read someday. i don’t tell them things like this enough. i will start tomorrow. but tonight, this is for me to reflect and remember and ponder these precious ones in my heart. and maybe even cry a little as i write…

 

Adelaide, someday you are going to read this, and i want you to know that i love talking about you. in a good way. i love watching you grow into such an awesome big sister and firstborn in this family. you love to be helpful and peaceable. i love seeing you share things and teach things to your sister.  this past summer i saw something in you that just touched me to my core. i saw this tenderness in you that emerges at just the right time for just the right kind of people… people that could use an extra dose of lovin’. and you pick up on it lightening fast and are sooooooo happy to give that extra dose of lovin’ and affirmation and hugs and attention. like with Great Nana this summer in Cape Cod. wow. you would have thought the two of you were best friends from days gone by. you loved on her, kissed her, hugged her, just sat with her, holding her, over and over and over again. she loved being loved on. and you loved knowing she was being loved on. since then i have seen you do this a few other times. i see Jesus’ love coming through you to others. you pick up on emotions and sense things way beyond your years. you are tenderhearted and i absolutely have much to learn from you in this department. i think you are going to be instrumental in showing people the love of God, not just telling them about it. i love you sweet girl.

Sydy-boo…. you amaze me.  and send me for a loop some days. but oh how i love you. more and more each day. what i have seen this summer and even more in the recent weeks is a quiet leadership quality start to emerge in you. yes, i know you are only 3. but wow, girl, you have influence beyond your years. you don’t lead others in a bossy or demeaning way… you lead others in a quiet and strong and independent way. right now you are leading all your neighborhood girl friends in back yard scientist endeavors. how many of your friends have you unassumingly converted to bug, worm, centipede and grasshopper catching??! its amazing. i watched you do this just the other day at a picnic with an entire group of total strangers. while everyone was playing on the playground, you quietly slipped to the side and began your bug search in earnest. within minutes, you had a small crowd of tiny girls around you and you happily hosted the bug catching and shared your love of all things bugs with them. wow. i see some amazing things in your future. your sense of independence and adventure (which terrifies me right now at times) is going to take you places many others wouldn’t dream of going … and i can’t wait to cheer you on as you follow God wherever He leads you. just please don’t try to take off on your own in the next 15 years, ok?! i love your kisses and hugs. they are strong and healing.

Nadia, you are pure joy. i don’t know how else to describe you. just lots and lots of joy and peace. just what i needed in my life about now. i love seeing you wake up happy, go to bed happy, play happily. i love holding you when you snuggle in and suck your thumb. i know these days are fleeting and will be gone in a blink of an eye. i am holding onto these moments with you. you are a foodie, through and through. you love music and love to dance, already. i can’t wait to have a dance party with you. your smile touches me in the deepest part of my heart. and holds me tight. i love your laugh. i love that you want to talk and walk so badly… but i have to admit i am glad you aren’t doing either yet. i love seeing you speed crawl. i love seeing your face light up  when you see your sisters. you are such a treasured gift in my life, our lives. we are sooooo glad God made you just the way you are. you are so well loved in this neighborhood…. by kids and parents alike. i love to see the kids stop what they are doing and gently bend down and love and kiss you. you won’t be the baby of the neighborhood for long, but for now, you are basking in that status.

she took the words right out of my heart and soul….

i stumbled on a new blog today – The Hippie Housewife. right, like i need anything more to read online these days… but something this gal wrote stopped me dead in my tracks. i thought, this is it. this is my desire, my vision, my goal, my dream. its so far from my reality right now, but something i long to aspire to. to push for. to hold onto… fiercely. in a world of swirling philosophies on everything from baby food, parenting styles and school choices to justice issues, consumerism and politics, this poignant poem brings me back from swinging on the pendulum of manmade traditions and opinions and anchors my heart and soul with what REALLY matters when all is said and done…. 

If I Err

If I am to err
let it be in love.

If I am to err in loving,
let it be that I love too freely
that I am too compassionate
that I extend too much grace
Grace, scandalous grace.

If I am to err in living,
let it be that I lived too passionately
that I delighted too much in God
and His creation
and the wonder of this body He has given me.

If I am to err in raising my children,
let it be that I taught them
to love too freely
and judge too little
but never the other way around.

If I am to err in my relationships,
let it be in kindness.
Let me never label others as “those people” -
“those gays”
“those Muslims”
“those sluts”
For shame
to reduce a person.
How about
those mothers
    brothers
        daughters
those beloved creations of God.

It would be better
not to err at all.
Grant me wisdom and discernment
to know what to say, do, believe.
But
if I am to err
let it be in love.

 

these days…. our life last week in pictures

what do you do when it is raining outside for nearly a week straight??! you invite neighbors over and dress up and act super silly.

 

 

how to you entertain babies and preschoolers? you “read” to them.

how do you make your mama smile and laugh and cover you with zillions of kisses all day long? you look at her like this:

and this:

what do you do when your mom picks up rad new dress up dresses at the thrift store… AND it stops raining? you dance outside!!

 

 

what do you do to make your mother completely, and utterly melt? you love on your sister, like this, all day long:

and on your cousin:

what do you do when your hair is sticking straight up while on the trampoline? you smile for mommy’s camera.

 

 

what do you do when you get caught putting anything/everything in your mouth and mom catch’s you (and checks your mouth)? you smile at her and keep eating the stale chip you happened upon on the floor.

what is the site that gets mom on all fours to laugh and play and giggle with me??

 

 

what happens when me and my cousin get together these days?? we “love” on each other….

 

baby than practicing to be a yoga model.  and one more to go on…. this picture is titled: ” Look mom, she’s a DUDE!” (straight from the 3 year old’s mouth….)

 

 

a dream fulfilled

dreams are funny things. they come and go. some are frivolous. some stick with you for decades. some seem silly, some are big.

one of my dreams was to visit an Amish family home someday. i don’t know why i have had this dream and been intrigued with the Amish way for years and years. my mom visited Lancaster county when i was about 10 or 11 and i have dreamt of going there myself since then. 20 years worth of dreaming.

when mom visited us this summer, in july, we decided to drive up to Dutch country and have a little mini-vacation. what a GREAT decision that was! we drove up to Lancaster County and stayed in a lovely B&B.. The Airy Hill Farm Bed and Breakfast is definitely worth checking out if you are in Dutch country! the girls got to collect eggs from the chickens, feed the baby calf, walk the ponies and alpacas, and wade and fish for minnows in the creek. i got to relax in a beautiful, peaceful setting and take leisurely drives through amish country. it was so wonderful!

we were even invited to have dinner with a local amish family at their home. what a dream and treat! i loved seeing my girls running around barefoot with the other kids… through the corn rows, around the house, through the barns. there is much i disagree with theologically and philosophically with the Amish, but there is much i envy and value about their way of life, too. all in all, i am still fascinated. and i have found a favorite amish run store with all kinds of fun goodies just about 2 hours north of here. i will visit often…. just to get my fix of all things simple, homemade, and non-electronic.

one of the reasons we went there was also to take the girls to Dutch Wonderland… an amusement park for little ones. they had a blast. i did not. i concluded that it would have been more fun if there were a 1 to 1 ratio of adult to small child. we were outnumbered by 1.

all in all, however, it was a wonderful, lovely, memorable min-vacation with my mom. what more could you ask for?

airy hill farm b&b

 

 

 

amish country

dutch wonderland

*tap *tap…. ah-hem… hello? hello?

when i get this far behind in blogging, i just end up banging my head on my desk and closing down wordpress and refreshing pinterest… again…. (someday, pinterest is going to be listed under some conspicuous list of addictive behaviors).

so i have all these posts lined up in my head… mainly for archiving, journaling, recording purposes for my family.

there’s the visit from my mom and subsequent mini-vacation to amish country in Lancaster.

there’s the Hudson family reunion in cape cod and subsequent mega-vacation to Maine.

there’s the peach picking, the neighborhood parties, playtimes, down times… there’s the little naked 9 month old cruising the house now. the first week of homeschooling and the 3 year old’s first day at preschool. all blog/journal worthy (in my opinion). the new hair color. mine, not theirs.

and there seems to just be so.little.time. i find that i spend every free second researching things for adelaide’s school days, organization and record keeping,  and trying to figure out how in the @$$%%^%&#$@#! people do this with multiple young kids in the house. or cleaning up another mess. or putting someone to bed and getting another one up. or feeding one, and refereeing the others.

but in the end, i know that i will regret not recording this time… writing out the memories and quotes. you know, like Sydy’s quote of the summer:

“what in the H E C K??” in her singsong voice.

or the fact that she peed IN the fridge the other morning. how does a 3 year old girl  even do that??!

or how about that earthquake and hurricane in one week?? yeah. life has been exciting around here. exhausting, too.

so, because i have taken the time to re-open the wordpress pandorish-box  again, i will reward myself by going and resting while all three are having nap time (sleeping? no. of course not).

hopefully i will resurface again in less than 2 months. until the actual blog posts… here are a few to remember:

crawling at 8 months, cruising at 9 months! what a joy and treasure she is!!! i am literally soaking up every moment of every stage with her. something i have not done with the other two, really. we could have just named her JOY because that IS who she is and WHAT she brings into a room or space when she comes in. really. ask our neighbors and friends! its simply amazing. an wonderful.

   

  

a new super cool place to hang out with aunts and cousins in DC – the building museum!

a cool birthday party with friends!

john and the girls jumping in the rain…

neighbor friends are some of the greatest gifts!!and a more realistic view into how we actually operate and look like: