My Justice Manifesto… or something

yeah, i know… i talk about it alot. but thats ok… because it is WORTH my time,( and dare i say yours?), to talk about it.

last night i finished a new book, a fiction one, about child trafficking. fiction, based on the realities of millions of girls, though.

i wept afterwards. on my knees, i wept for the little girls who were, at that very moment, in the worst kind of hell anyone can imagine. girls who are Adelaide’s age. girls who are experiencing the deepest and most consuming kind of hopelessness and despair. a kind of despair that i can’t even begin to fathom… and i have a good imagination.

i have been passionate about this issue for some time. but last night i felt like it went from my head to the depths of my soul for the first time. i can mentally and intellectually get behind fighting sex trafficking. who CAN’T?! but it moved to a deeper lever for me last night… maybe another “game changer” kind of moment i blogged about earlier (in regards to my health).

not only do i WANT to be engaged in this issue… one of the most horrific issues of our day and age… but i begged God to allow me to spend my life for this cause last night. i don’t pray this prayer lightly or in a sense of overwhelming pity for the girls (and boys) enslaved in such evil. it was a calculated prayer and one i believe pleases my God. one that i truly mean with all of my heart. and one that i know could very well be costly on many fronts.

but you know what? i think He was weeping with me last night, too. in fact i know He was. His heart for the poor, the orphaned (orphans are one of the foremost targets of sex traffickers), and the oppressed is clearly expressed throughout the entirety of His Word (the Bible). the more i read it, the more i understand that He is desperately calling out those of us who would fight for these children, pursue them, rescue them, restore them.

ISAIAH 1:17

learn to do good;

seek justice,

correct oppression;

bring justice to the fatherless,

plead the widow’s cause.

i remember reading Francis Chan’s book, The Forgotton God, (one of my fave books, by the way) and he described a moment just like i had last night. he talked of this overwhelming feeling washing over him and of weeping for these children. he talked of thinking about his own daughters… what would he do if it was HIS daughter that was stolen and destined to such a pain and loss? would he not spend every penny and every breath looking for her, rescuing her from the pit of hell? then why would he not do it for other children? why not expend himself to fight for other fathers’ children, or children with no one else to search for them and fight for them?

and i asked myself the very same questions last night…. there are beautiful innocent girls out there with NO ONE to fight for them. no one to look for them. no one to care. can you imagine such despair?! it moves me to tears even right now thinking about it. will i care? will i fight? will i risk annoying friends and family and strangers with my passion for justice? will i be willing to sacrifice for the least of these?

some ask, but what about your own family.. your own girls. God gave them to you to focus on in this season. your ministry is with them, first, and then to others.

and i ask, what greater gift can i give my girls than to see their mother caring, serving, sacrificing for, and advocating for girls just like them around the world? in fact, what greater gift than to teach them by example about the God of justice… the God we believe in and worship who longs for justice and freedom for these girls?! and what greater gift can i expereince myself, to walk this road together with my own girls. this is something i want to be a part of our family dna… a bullet point on the “who are you as a family” kind of question. and if someone were to ask me this question (the “who are the Hudsons” question) in  a year, five years, 10 years, i hope to be able to say something like this:

“Who are we? Well, one of the things we are about is freedom and justice. We fight for justice for those enslaved to the commercial sex trade, specifically children. We do it in small ways and big ways. We sacrifice time and resources to educate and equip others to join us in this fight. We find creative ways, as a family, as a community to fight this horrific injustice of our day. We don’t apologize for the megaphone call to join us in this fight, because we believe so strongly in it, but we respect others’ choices along the way. We live a normal life. We play, we enjoy freedom and frivolous times. We enjoy God’s gifts and embrace His call simultaneously. He enables us, by His grace, to do that. We aren’t perfect, but we are committed. This is just a part of who we are. “ 

as the girls grow into their adulthood, i know God may have different paths for them to pursue… but i hope and pray that they will ALWAYS be passionate about justice and always be willing to expend themselves for others, especially the “least of these.”

imagine with me for a moment….

what if William Willburforce had decided that slavery was just too big and too overwhelming of an issue to fight for?!

what if Bonhoffer had decided that his life and his family was of more worth than to fight against the tyranny of the nazi’s?!

what if Corrie ten Boom and her family had decided that the safety of their family was of far more worth than the lives of their Jewish neighbors ( and strangers)?!

what if Martin Luther King , Jr. had decided that racism was too big of an issue to fight against, and that his life was of more value to him than losing it?

please note… i am not liking myself to ANY of the above mentioned! i feel as inadequate and inferior to them, and can’t imagine being able to live up to their standards of selflessness and service…. but what i see in each of them is a willingness to take on the evil of their day and age, no matter what the cost, because it was WORTH IT.  sure, my life may never be on the line, but there could be loss involved. will it be worth the risk? i think yes. i pray yes. 

and so, as i have stated in this blog before, i am excited to dig in even deeper… to pursue dreams and ideas of fighting justice in the context of being a mom. i know God is equipping me for something bigger than myself.. something i can’t logically and reasonably think through to its conclusion. something i am driven to pursue and yet have no idea what it will look like in the end. but it has to do with justice and freedom for child sex slaves. and it has to do with mobilizing and encouraging and equipping other moms like me who have a heart for these precious kids, but no idea how to engage in fighting for them within the context of their family limitations and calling as moms. God has a place for US in this fight, and i am excited to pursue what this can look like on a more practical and measurable way. moms have a lot to offer… we have alot of limitations too. but we don’t have to wait until the kids grow up before we can “do something.” we can engage in this issue  right in the midst of the carpooling, soccer practice, homework and house cleaning…

stay tuned!

i thought i would include a list of resources and organizations, books and articles and movies that have informed and motivated me on this journey. if you want to learn more about child sex slavery, about the facts, about the victories and freedom stories, about the atrocities…. read, watch, engage with these resources. maybe you will join me on this journey. maybe not. but regardless, the time is well worth being spent on educating ourselves seeing as this IS one of the most pressing issues of injustice in our day and time.

We can’t do everything, but we can ALL do SOMETHING!!!! 

MOVIES: (all graphic and real life portrayals of the reality of the evil of trafficking.)

The Price of Sex – documentary being screened at various locations and stations. excellent film. go see it if at all possible!

Taken

Trade

BOOKS:

Just Courage - Excellent first look into IJM and its heart and passion as well as its president and founder, Gary Haugen. I am growing to respect this man more and more in leaps and bounds.

The Hole in Our Gospel - haven’t finished this one yet, but verrrrry good and thought provoking thus far!

Little Princes - i reviewed this book already on the blog, here. inspiring and eye opening.

A Walk Across the Sun - a review of this book is coming soon. EXCELLENT read. Fictional account of the real life underbelly of the sex trade. Cannot recommend it enough. It is graphic and intense and heart-rending.

Priceless - this is the book i referred to at the beginning of this email. another fiction book that actually moved me to my knees in tears. again, not for the faint of heart, and not for easy weekend reading. i couldn’t put it down, though.

Escaping the Devil’s Bedroom - one of the first books i read on the sex industry in general. excellent place to start.

Scars and Stillettos - this is the woman, and her testimony and story, that God used to open my eyes to this issue in the first place. i went to LA and was trained by Harmony and her team to reach out to dancers in the clubs. opens your eyes to the complex web of deceit, lies and bondage that affects the women involved in the sex industry (both nationally and internationally, enslaved and “voluntary”).

ORGANIZATIONS:

an update of sorts….

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first, the bad news.

you know that running thing i was attempting? the one i wrote the whole post about? the one i was excited about yada yada?

well, basically 30 seconds after i posted the blog, i consulted my calendar. said calendar told me i already had (very important) plans that weekend of the 5K race for The Samaritan Women. i was so bummed! and yes, a little discouraged that my goal was already being sabatoged.

but i pressed on, and kept up the couch to 5K running plan. for three weeks. then, the 4th week my mom was in town and i just missed it that week, fully planning to jump back on the wagon when she left.

and then pollen came. and wiped.me.out. or rather, it had wiped out my respiratory system. i was jogging and walking just fine up until this point. and from then until now (nearly 4 weeks now), i  can hardly walk from the car to my house without starting to wheeze. its been really bad. i am chalking it up to pollen because everyone around here tells me that is what it HAS to be. but in reality, i have no idea what it is that is making my system go so haywire.

as of today, the tests and doctor’s opinion tell me i have nasal polyps and a extremely over-sensitive respiratory system. apparently i am not allergic to anything in particular, just everything irritates my airways. lovely. i told my doc today, ” long term, i am not interested in merely symptom management… i am interested in wholistically pursuing the cause and root of my respiratory issues. short term, please give me something to take that gives me some relief, allows me to sleep, and doesn’t turn me into the monster i am when i am drugged out of my mind with allergy meds.” she looked at me sadly saying this was going to be a “management” issue for the rest of my life. i respectfully disagree, and am pursuing full and complete healing of these issues from every angle i can. but i will take her 4 prescriptions and give the meds a chance to give me some relief along the road to recovery.

and that is the end of my couch to 5K journey for now, folks. not only can i not exercise, i am now on drugs that make me super hungry and cause most people to gain extra weight pretty fast. fantastic.

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and for the good news….

that same wednesday night… the one i just mentioned… well, i went to a healing prayer service at All Saints Episcopal Church in Chevy Chase, MD. not far from here. i had a “come to jesus” moment that past weekend… it was one of those turning moments, those “ah ha” oprah-esque moments. you know, the kind that you read about in the health magazines… where they show the inspirational story of someone who lost like 150 lbs in a year or something. they ALL have “that moment” in the story… the pivotal moment that it clicked finally… the moment where everything changed in their minds and hearts and they were able to finally pursue health and wellness in a new and focussed way.

well, mine was a very emotional one that had to do with a daughter crying over a picture of me smiling and laughing, wondering when i would smile again and not be sick.

talk about a piercing moment. and something changed that night. shifted. i woke up the next day, as miserable as ever, but willing to do whatever it takes to get well. first up was a new doc appt. and then a healing prayer time.

i believe in healing and in prayer. i know lots of people are praying for me and believing God wants to heal me completely. i am trying to believe that too and hold onto that and fight for it. but to be perfectly honest, i haven’t been on the receiving end of alot of answered prayer as of late.

long story short, the prayer time with two complete strangers at All Saints was wonderful. i walked away feeling supported, encouraged, thankful for people who would give of their time to pray for and support someone like me.  but that was about it.

the next morning, however, i felt like a completely different person. not exaggerating in the least. i felt like i was about 200 lbs lighter, like an unbearable weight had been lifted off of me. i woke up with greatly reduced symptoms. note this…. i had dropped off my prescriptions to CVS the day before, but had not picked them up yet. so this “feeling better” had nothing to do with medication. i woke up ready to engage with the girls and smile and laugh with them. i haven’t felt this way in months, people. MONTHS. i usually wake up in a drug induced stupor barely able to get cereal on the table for the girls and begging them not to yell or fight cause i felt like a zombie. this was such a completely out of body feeling experience to feel light, focussed, joyful in the morning. i was really just sitting at the computer in shock at the change when it dawned on me…. these things were very specific answers to very specific prayers the night before.

i didn’t tell the prayer people what to pray. i told them my story, and they prayed. some specific things they prayed for?

• that the burden, the weight, of my chronic illness would be lifted off of me in the process of getting well. that the burden this sickness and the effects of the medications would be lifted off my relationships in my family.
• that joy would be restored deep in my heart.. a tangible feeling of joy, not just the strength to “choose to be joyful no matter what i feel like.”
• that my symptoms would be relieved and that i would find the right doctors and have discernment to figure out the things my body is lacking, nutritionally etc.

hello. this is what answered prayer feels like. its amazing.

as i am writing this, almost a week later, my allergies are on overdrive this morning. i know i have a choice… i can get angry, frustrated and discouraged. or i can pop my zyrtec and pray for some relief and keep thanking God that He gave me just what i needed last week…. reprieve, renewed hope, strength and determination to get well. i won’t lie… i feel like i have woken up from a terrible nightmare last week. a nightmare of despair, discouragement, hopelessness. that may sound dramatic and trite compared to the suffering others go through here and around the world. but when you are in that kind of feeling of despair, its pretty debilitating. so i press on, wait for zyrtec to kick in so i can open my right eye without tears running down my face and snot running like a faucet, and keep pursuing healing and wellness. i am sure there will be up days and down days. but there is no mistaking that God heard and answered the prayers of some faith-full people last wednesday…. and that is a precious gift to me that has renewed my hope and faith.

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some more good news….

John and I went to a parenting seminar last weekend. it was put on by the  National Center for Biblical Parenting and was called “Cooperation, Consequenses and Keeping Your Sanity.”  sign me up! i have read ALOT of parenting books…. across the entire spectrum of parenting theories and philosophies. in all my reading, the resources provided by this particular prganization have BY FAR been the most helpful and have resonated with us the most. it seems that on the extremely conservative christian side of the parenting spectrum, it is all about rules and behavior modification without addressing the deeper issues of WHY we discipline and train and work with our kids. and on the other extreme, there is a heavy emphasis on the WHY, but less practical application along the way. the resources (books, seminars, teaching etc) from the National Center for Biblical Parenting are a beautiful marriage of the two… a clear and heavy emphasis on HEART issues and honor and grace in parenting, as well as incredibly practical application.

anyhow, this seminar content wasn’t anything new to me (i had read the info before) but  the content finally sunk in deeper  and John and I were greatly inspired and equipped to make some much needed changes in our communication, instruction, and discipline routines at home. frankly, our current routines were terrible… they werent working, were often motivated out of anger and annoyance and focussed on just getting them to STOP ANNOYING US. sad, but true.

since last weekend (i know i know… barely any time), we have experienced the fruit of changing the way WE relate and interact and instruct the girls already. of course its not perfect around here, but if the measure of peace and closeness we have experienced in the last few days by just changing TWO of the discipline and instruction routines we do around here is any indication of what is to come… i am a super happy and thankful mom!

if you are interested in the content that we covered, i would love to share… we are in the learning and growing process of implementing some new things, so by far no expert, but man… being a mom of three small girls, i know how desperate I get to have some help, direction, ANYTHING to help change the way things are going in our house and family relationships. maybe i will post the cliff notes of what stood out to us the most sometime… but in the meantime, contact me if you want further info. and DO check out the resources on the site i linked. very helpful.

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the garden is in! the basement is 98% finished! the trampoline is up! spring is looking up!

much to be thankful for around here…. answered prayers, deep conversations with a daughter, fun with neighbors, community, a new church home, sunshine with no bugs yet, dreams, peace, vision, direction. HOPE.

a walk in the park… literally.

the little ones and i went on a little jaunt to Brookside Gardens, a local park near us. it was a lovely, lovely day, with lovely lovely little girls. they are so full of personality, and sometimes sass.  but mostly personality.

what the????? that middle one? i did not teach her that.

i know this one is not sharp, but i LOVE the feel of it.

flying sydney!

and here is a little lesson on posing…. first picture looks stiff, stale, awful. so not sydney… but the second one… bingo! a much better fit!

her expressions kill me. love them!

peek-a-boo!!! her favorite thing to play with me, with anyone really! she laughs so hard.

smooch smooch!

Woke up thinking about and remembering the Lyles family…. this is the first anniversary of Lisa’s time in heaven with Jesus. I grieve for her family left here on earth, who will be hurting and missing her deeply today. But I grieve with Hope because I know there is healing to come… I know from my own journey. I know from the journey of others. But it still hurts along the way. Lisa, you are missed so very much down here. I think of you so often, wish I had a direct line to talk to you even in heaven. But I also know you wouldn’t have it any other way. You are living with the Lover of your soul, something you exemplified so authentically here on earth. I look forward to seeing Him and you someday… and many others!

Remembering…

Woke up thinking about and remembering the Lyles family…. this is the first anniversary of Lisa’s time in heaven with Jesus. I grieve for her family left here on earth, who will be hurting and missing her deeply today. But I grieve with Hope because I know there is healing to come… I know from my own journey. I know from the journey of others. But it still hurts along the way.

Lisa, you are missed so very much down here. I think of you so often, wish I had a direct line to talk to you even in heaven. But I also know you wouldn’t have it any other way. You are living with the Lover of your soul, something you exemplified so authentically here on earth. I look forward to seeing Him and you someday… and many others!